I have only just realised how long it has been since my last post – almost 6 weeks – and how time flies! So much has happened in that short space of time and life is certainly looking a lot different. Our biggest change is that my eldest baby started primary school and while fundamentally this change affects him, the impact is felt by us all. I was emotionally affected far more than I anticipated and was in a bit of denial about the whole thing! Then suddenly here we are 4 weeks in, almost at half term and it is as if he has always been there!
Despite having a (fairly) clear plan about what my next step was once we were ‘on the school ladder’, I have had a bit of a re-think and forced myself to be really honest about what I want to do. Prior to this recent change of heart, my intention was to start to sell some of the items that I make with the intention of creating a business that would allow me to work around my boys. My first ‘outing’ was going to be a Christmas craft fair in November and I was very conscious that I needed to make quite a selection of items in order for this to be worthwhile.
Armed with all my pre-cut fabric and resources, I sat down at my sewing machine to start creating. I had decided to start with making fabric corner bookmarks as these are fairly simple to make and I thought I could make several in a short space of time.
Whether I was having a bad week or not I don’t know but firstly I had an issue with the bobbin thread and then with the fabric that I had chosen. When I was finally able to start sewing, I was very critical of my work which isn’t unusual but now I was going to be asking people to pay for my creations, I had to up my game. I could feel myself getting more anxious and critical as time went on and I even threw away some of my 1st attempts. Then it suddenly hit me; ‘Why am I doing this? Is this something I really want to do?’ Creating and exploring different crafts has always been something that I have enjoyed at my own pace and fitted around other aspects of my life. It has always been something that I have used as a form of relaxation. If I am already starting to feel anxious and stressed, will I end up resenting and eventually losing a hobby that I have always loved? And in that moment I made the decision to not participate in any craft fairs but just to continue to enjoy creating.
Once I had cancelled my slot at the Christmas craft fair, I instantly felt as if a weight had been lifted which confirmed to me that it was the right decision – for now. As my husband said, it’s not as if I am saying that I will never participate in a craft fair, just not now.
And so here I am, finally starting a project that I have had on my list for at least 2 years now – my eldest’s baby clothes blanket! It feels quite apt that I am starting it now that he is starting his new adventure at school and just at a time when I am feeling nostalgic for the years gone by.
Making that initial cut into the tiny baby t-shirts and baby grows was a little daunting and not without slight errors but I have now created several template sizes which I hope can be pieced together to create a puzzle effect. I am basically making it up as I go along! I endeavour to keep as much of the remnants of fabric as possible, with individual badges and other elements being earmarked for some form of applique to the ‘finished’ piece. We shall see what form it takes. For now I am happy to keep cutting and sewing, creating a piece that I hope will be treasured for many years to come – it will be by me anyway!
While considering my own future, I have also decided to explore opportunities to gain experience and train as a teaching assistant, this building upon my existing qualifications in the Early Years. Hopefully I will be able to return to the world of employment while also maintaining my passion for my love of craft – can the winner take it all? I’m going to give it a go!
Until next time (and hopefully not so long this time!)